Are you a Damaged Leader?

 The sun was warm but not to hot - you know those perfect days where you can bask in the euphoria of how the sunlight barely warms your skin. (Of course, I am wearing sunscreen!). It was on that day that I sat in a mildly uncomfortable patio chair as a dear friend questioned her ability, her worthiness, her qualifications to lead a team. Using one of my favorite leadership tips that has ever been gifted to me, I fell back on my go to, "Tell me more?". (It's important to use the proper voice inflection here to make sure it sounds like a question, an invitation to be open and vulnerable, to know that this is a judgement free zone.)

The words began to tumble out of her mouth, held somewhere between a forced grin and lips holding tightly back a cry of anguish. Words of feeling unworthy, unprepared, incapable, and out of her league to be the perfect leader, to turn around this struggling team, to help get them back on track for the company to hit their numbers. As I journaled about it later that night, I was reminded of how those words felt, like standing at the railing, overlooking the horseshoe of Niagara Falls and being in awe of the amount of water and force those currents carried with it. A crushing force. It left me wondering how I could help my friend. How best to share life lessons? Pain and Accomplishments at times that deeply weighed the scales to one side. How could I help her to see that life, like the currents rushing to jump 188 feet over the edge of Niagara Falls can certainly beat you up but can also produce energy and fuel that will allow you to show up in a way that helps. It also caused me to question how many other leaders felt this exact way?

My own search for significance had led me down the dark path of being a chronic workaholic. One that led me to sacrifice relationships, my own health, and the true pursuit of things I dreamed about doing, like writing and making people feel seen, heard, and valued. I became obsessed with the praise of others, words like - He is such a hard worker, He is so devoted to the company, His hard work helps him to achieve so much. Obsessed with the celebrations when my teams' hit numbers that were envious and to be fair, likely overreaching and unfair expectations. All of those things fueled me, they made me feel like I was worthy, important and seen; like I mattered. For a long time that was enough, but as life began to move me out of the situations that were not serving me, I began to grow and truly reconnect with who I was.

I always loved reading, and one book sparked a quest, a quest of lifelong learning that sent me down a path destiny ordained I take. The book is probably not one that is quite as mainstream unless like me you grew up in a strict Christian household. In the book by Max Lucado, Jesus tells the Angels to be silent, because (insert your name here) is praying. Imagine that the glorious beings -angels - being quieted because YOU were that important, that worthy. Is that not a brilliant analogy for a leader, YOU are worthy, broken, scarred and damaged - but oh so worthy.

Ernest Hemingway offered me a little bit of insight from the beyond - "The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places." Isn't that true! How to share with my patio friend that those hard times, those cracks and breaks, those feelings like you are on a stage that you truly don't belong on, those are the things that make you THE RIGHT LEADER? Your team, your tribe, your family - your people; They need a leader that has walked through the fire, they need a leader that has been beat up and bruised by life, they need a damaged leader. A damaged leader is the one that can relate and support them. In "Wreckage" by Nate Smith we hear "I'm a little damaged but damn you saw the good." I am amazed that the leaders who are the most damaged are the ones who see the most good in people.

The call of a true leader is measured in the lives we are able to touch for the better, in the ripples that we are able to create in a world where too often people are not seen and left feeling as if they do not matter. The Damaged Leader seeks to embolden the leaders that 'are not enough', to embrace the cracks in their armor and let the light shine in. I can't wait to hear your stories of how you lead and how you as a damaged leader lead not in spite of your damage but because of it!