Embracing the Damage - The Beauty of Imperfection in Leaders

In the quiet stillness of a Japanese artisan’s workshop, a piece of pottery, once shattered, finds new life. Delicate veins of gold fill the cracks where the pottery once broke like a rushing river over sun parched earth, transforming what was once considered damaged into something uniquely beautiful. This ancient art of kintsugi—literally translated as “golden joinery”—teaches us a profound truth about leadership: that our imperfections are not blemishes to be hidden, but the very essence of our beauty and strength.

In this way "Kintsugi" is the art of embracing damage. In the fast-paced, high-pressure world of leadership, there is an overwhelming temptation to conceal our flaws, to wear a mask of perfection. We are conditioned to believe that leaders must be invincible, unbreakable, flawless in every aspect. Yet, the reality is that we are all, at times, cracked and broken by the challenges we face. These fractures in our armor are not signs of weakness; they are the golden lines that tell our story. 

I remember sitting across from a leader of mine, as they proceeded to tell me that no one on the team liked me. I remember the cold feeling of the white round table, as he opened his camel brown planner and begin listing out all of my shortcomings, all the things I had done wrong. Things never mentioned to me directly or in the moment but somehow important enough to write down and now throw at me like broken pieces of pottery. I remember thinking carefully on those things, even taking notes, with a promise to work on them. I remember asking for help and being told - " I am not qualified to provide you the help you need, but I strongly suggest you seek professional help." This clay vessel that was me, cast hard on the stone floor to shatter in a million pieces. This moment in my mind, was the catalyst that forced me to find the right people to help put me together and fill those cracks with gold, making the final product so much more interesting and stunning than the initial. Just as kintsugi pottery is more valuable because of its cracks, so too are leaders more valuable because of their scars. Each crack represents a challenge faced, a lesson learned, a moment of growth. These golden scars are symbols of resilience, wisdom, and authenticity—the true marks of a great leader.

Consider the shimmering surface of a kintsugi bowl. The golden seams catch the light, drawing the eye not to the smooth, undamaged portions, but to the repaired cracks. It is the damage, lovingly restored, that makes the piece remarkable. The seeming imperfections are the exact thing that make us stop and look closer. The imperfections are what invite us to linger longer on the work of art, the piece that adds a touch of humanity to the damaged pottery as if inviting us to remember stories of people that have poured gold into us, acknowledging our imperfections and convincing us this is what makes us distinctive as leaders.

The moments when we stumble (too weary to take another step), we admit and own our mistakes, or show vulnerability are the exact moments when we connect most deeply with those we lead. Imagine a leader who has never experienced failure, who has never been broken on the cold stone; Their surface may appear flawless, but it lacks depth, lacks the golden lines of experience and empathy that only come from embracing imperfection. They are like an untouched piece of pottery—smooth and complete, but without the unique beauty that comes from being lovingly restored.

As leaders, our challenge is not to hide our imperfections, but to embrace them, to fill our cracks with the golden lacquer of experience, empathy, and resilience. When we do so, we become more than just leaders; we become examples of how to grow from our struggles, how to find beauty in brokenness, and how to lead with authenticity.

In the end, it is our scars that make us special. They are the golden seams that shine brightly, reminding us that true leadership is not about being perfect. It is about being whole, and sometimes, being whole means being beautifully, powerfully, and unapologetically broken.

"A warrior is defined by his scars, not his medals." Matshona Dhliwayo

So, let us celebrate the cracks, the breaks, the flaws that make us who we are. Let us lead not in spite of our imperfections, but because of them. After all, the damage is what makes us special. Thank you for being a Damaged Leader.

NATALIE'S NOTES

Leadership is often painted as a pursuit of perfection, but real growth happens in the cracks of experience. Too often, feedback arrives too late, shared in hushed tones behind closed doors or saved for a performance review rather than being given in real-time. The story in The Damaged Leader is painfully relatable because many of us have faced similar moments. We’ve sat across from someone listing our shortcomings, feeling the weight of unspoken criticism finally spoken aloud. The reality is, leaders and teammates alike struggle with direct, constructive feedback because they fear discomfort. But without open dialogue, how can we ever fill the cracks with gold? 

A powerful shift in leadership happens when we embrace what we don’t know. There is strength in saying, "I don’t know, but I can find out." Leaders who admit their imperfections, who acknowledge that they, too, are learning - create space for genuine connection and trust. Vulnerability isn’t weakness; it’s the gold that holds us together. As you reflect on your journey, ask yourself: Are you hiding your truth, or are you allowing your experiences to shape you into something even more remarkable? 

If you're struggling with feedback, whether giving or receiving it as a leader, or connecting with your teammates, you are not alone. There’s more coming soon to The Damaged Leader to support you through these challenges. In the meantime, I’d love to connect one-on-one and help you navigate those tough conversations you might be avoiding. Drop a comment below or message me on LinkedIn if you would like to connect.

This week Chris and I will be sharing our first leadership tool, Reclaiming YOU: A Damaged Leader Reset. Subscribe below to receive it this week.