Radical Candor: Caring Enough to Be Clear

It’s wild to think back to a time when Chris wasn’t in my life. I’ve trained many people throughout my career, but none have impacted me the way he did. And it happened pretty quickly. He walked into my office on his first day in March 2021, and we spent the next two weeks together, culminating in a memorable brunch with too many fun beverages. When I think back, that brunch feels like the real beginning of our friendship.

Somewhere during those early days, I shared a TED Talk with him that had completely changed my leadership game the year before: Radical Candor by Kim Scott. Looking back, I think that discussing the power of Radical Candor was the first thing that truly bonded us.

Since then, Chris has been a friend, a confidant, and a professional resource - always without ego or competition. We come from different backgrounds and work very differently, but that makes us better. We feed off each other in the most magical and productive way. We’ve created a safe space, both in friendship and in business, where we care personally and challenge directly. It’s no surprise that when we started our company, Radical Candor became one of our core values.

Feedback is not just a component of leadership, it is the backbone of it. It is the single most powerful tool a leader has to shape behavior, drive performance, and build trust. And yet, it is also the most difficult to master. Delivering meaningful feedback takes emotional intelligence, clarity, courage, and relentless practice. It takes years to become comfortable, and even longer to develop true confidence in doing it well. If you choose to lead, feedback is non-negotiable. It’s not a preference. It’s your responsibility.

Leaders operate in a constant feedback loop. They receive feedback from those above them, from their peers, and from their teams, and they are equally responsible for providing direct, timely, and honest feedback to those they lead. The moment a leader falters in this responsibility, the foundation begins to crack. Avoiding or mishandling feedback, erodes trust, weakens team cohesion, and calls your leadership credibility into question. Leaders who are uncomfortable with feedback either retreat into silence, making themselves invisible and ineffective, or overcompensate with false confidence, delivering feedback that feels sharp, unclear, or combative. In both scenarios, the result is the same: confusion, fear, and a team that cannot grow.

Leadership demands that you speak the hard truths, with clarity and care. You must create safety, not comfort. Accountability, not avoidance. If you cannot do this, you are not leading - you are simply occupying a position.

Below, you’ll find our personal reflections on how Radical Candor has shaped our leadership confidence and become a calling on our journey to lead others with both care and candor. Chris and I are passionate about this topic, and look forward to sharing where we have faltered, grown, and our lessons along the way to support you in your feedback journey.

Chris's Story

I’ve been a toxic leader.

I’ve been the passive-aggressive one - the nodding, smiling storm just waiting for the right moment to strike sideways.

I’ve been the laissez-faire leader - so hands-off I may as well have been out of the room.

None of it was who I wanted to be. But all of it, at one point or another, was who I was.

I didn’t lack passion. I lacked courage.

Courage to speak clearly. Courage to stop hiding truth in half-smiles and hopeful hints. Courage to stop dressing up feedback in decorative frosting and just say what needed to be said.

Early in my career I was taught the “sandwich method.”

Start with something sweet.

Slip in the hard truth.

End with something soft again.

The problem? All that bread blurred the message!!

No one walked away with clarity. Only confusion, and sometimes, resentment.

But then I learned something that shifted everything: Radical Candor is not harsh. It’s humane.

It’s not barking orders or bruising egos. It's pulling someone aside and saying, "I care about you too much to let this slide." It's truth served without armor, without sarcasm, without disguise.

It's clarity paired with care.

Radical Candor says: "I see your potential too clearly to keep quiet." It doesn’t whisper. It doesn’t perform. It simply tells the truth - on time, on purpose, with heart.

These days, when I give feedback, I ask myself:

Am I handing them a mirror or a mallet?

Am I building something or just breaking things down?

Am I providing this feedback for their growth and development or for my personal gain?

Candor without care is cruelty. Care without candor is cowardice. But when you bring them together, you lead with love and truth at the same time.

And that? That’s leadership I can be proud of.

If you’ve never read Radical Candor by Kim Scott, it’s worth your time. Her framework gave language to what I had only learned the hard way—and helped me become a more human leader. A Damaged Leader embracing the damage to lead with more radical candor.

Natalie's Story

Sitting in that office for the fourth time in three weeks, we all knew exactly how this conversation would go. We’d each share our sides, apologize for the confusion we may have caused, I’d ask whether I had been clear in my expectations, we’d agree to move forward, and then we’d find ourselves back in the same room days later. What I didn’t understand at the time was that this cycle existed because I wasn’t being clear. I wasn’t leading. I was focused on feelings. I wanted to be liked. I didn’t want him to be mad at me, or to walk out and complain to the rest of the team. My intention was to preserve our team culture, but I was damaging it instead.

For months, I had been banging my head against the wall. He was on a fast track to termination, and I was desperately trying to give him a lifeline. I defended him to my boss, pleaded for just one more chance. Again and again. But now my own leader was questioning my judgment. I truly believed I could fix the problem, but I was losing myself in the process. I became so focused on the weakest link, I began to neglect the rest of the team.

One night, while scrolling, a bright yellow image with bold red text caught my eye: "Radical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity." I clicked the link and my leadership career changed forever.

The 17-minute video by Kim Scott named what I couldn’t: Ruinous Empathy. That was me. I cared deeply about my team, but I also cared too much about how they felt about me. I didn’t fully understand that as a leader, I had to give feedback, even when it was uncomfortable. Even when it was hard. That’s the job. That’s the responsibility. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I had gone from obnoxious aggression early in my career to overcorrecting so hard that I had landed in another quadrant just as harmful. And now, someone might lose their job - not because they couldn't improve, but because I had failed to lead them with candor.

The very next day, I shared the video with my team. We had an honest, meaningful discussion, and I asked them to bring feedback to our next one-on-one, specifically, about which quadrant they believed I was operating in. Those 17 minutes rewrote my leadership story, and I’ve never gone back. Leadership is not about comfort. It’s about responsibility. It’s a duty to others.

Since that moment, I’ve continued to practice, role play, and coach others on the importance of feedback and the transformative power of Radical Candor. It’s not just a leadership tool, it’s become the hallmark of my style and reputation. Feedback is not a soft skill. It is a learned skill. And it’s one I commit to improving every single day.

Feedback isn’t a threat - it’s a gift. The most respectful thing you can do as a leader is to give it, receive it, and grow from it. That’s how trust is built. That’s how teams get better. That’s how leaders rise.