The Weight of Pretending: When Excellence Becomes a Mask

Leadership is often shrouded in mystery and prestige—wrapped in layers of influence, power, and the tantalizing idea of success. It reminds me of an ancient Egyptian mummy, bound tightly in linen, then sealed inside an ornate sarcophagus.

Admired from a distance. Untouched.  Even Untouchable.

Many are drawn to leadership imagining it to be a place where authority reigns and every decision lands perfectly. But peel back the layers, and the truth is much more human than we care to admit.

Leadership isn’t glory.

 It definitely isn’t  control.

And most of the time – it’s not competence.

In reality - It’s confrontation - with yourself.

It’s the courage to stand in front of your team, not as a flawless example, but as a growing, learning, sometimes limping human being.

There’s a strange power in that.

A power that doesn’t come from the mask of invulnerability—

but from the uncomfortable courage of being real.

We’ve built this myth:

That leaders must have all the answers.

That leaders don’t get rattled. Don’t get tired. Don’t get it wrong.

So we put on the mask.  We perform.

We tell ourselves it’s what the title demands.

But the longer we wear the mask, the harder it becomes to breathe.

And slowly but surely, the leader who was once in the room… starts to disappear.

A leader obsessed with appearing excellent creates a team too afraid to fail.

Innovation suffocates. Trust erodes. Revenue Declines.

Everyone walks on eggshells—careful not to reveal too much, feel too deeply, or admit they’re human.

But remove the mask?

That’s when the room exhales. That’s when daylight breaks through the cracks.

When a leader says “I don’t know,” or “I messed that up,”

they don’t lose credibility—they earn trust. Because vulnerability isn’t weakness—it’s an invitation.

It says:

You don’t have to hide here.

You don’t have to perform here.

You can be real here.

And when that happens?

Teams don’t just follow the leader.

They become co-creators in the work.

Authenticity doesn’t always look like certainty.

It looks like courage.  It looks like a leader who walks with their team instead of striding ahead pretending they’ve got it all mapped out.

The mask is fragile, like its leftover from the Mayan civilizations.

It will eventually crack.

But honesty and humility?

Those are steel.  Let’s stop celebrating the illusion of excellence and start honoring the reality of growth.

The greatest leaders aren’t the ones who never stumble.

They’re the ones who fall, admit it, and teach the team how to rise. 

Natalie’s Notes: Leading Without the Mask

Too many of us step into leadership thinking it’s about being more—

More polished and  put-together. More sure of ourselves than we really are.

But what if leadership isn’t about being more…It’s about being more you.

If today’s post hit a nerve, I want to leave you with something practical. Here are three action steps, three reflection questions, and one final reminder:

 Three Action Steps to Take This Week

Admit One Thing Out Loud.

Share one thing with your team, peer, or mentor that you’ve been hiding or pretending to have figured out. It doesn’t have to be dramatic—just real.

Practice a “Permission Slip Moment.”

Tell your team: “I don’t expect perfection. I just expect presence.” You’ll be surprised how quickly the room shifts.

Start Your Meetings with Humanity.

Instead of jumping into numbers or updates, begin your next meeting with a check-in question like: “What’s one word that describes how you're arriving today?”

Make space for the messy.

Reflection Questions to Journal or Share

Where do I feel pressure to “perform” as a leader?

What part of me am I afraid they’ll see?

What would it feel like to be more honest in my leadership?

One Final Reminder

The best leaders aren’t untouchable—they’re reachable.

Letting people see you might be the bravest and most effective thing you do all week. same. In the end, the greatest leaders are not those who never falter, but those who embrace their missteps and teach others to rise from theirs.