When Leading Feels Like Lying…

You show up with a smile, even though your insides feel shredded.

You deliver the vision, even though you’re unsure you believe in it anymore.

You say, “We’ve got this,” when everything in your body says, “I don’t know if I do.”

And it starts to feel like lying. 

Not because you’re trying to deceive, but because the person you're pretending to be… is not who you are right now.

The Great Leadership Disconnect

We’ve been taught to equate leadership with strength.

Clarity. Control. Certainty. The 3 Big C’s.

But what happens when you’re not strong?

When clarity is fogged up with anxiety?

When you’re leading a team through a storm and you don’t even have an umbrella for yourself?

That disconnect - between the version of you they see and the version of you that’s unraveling - is where shame creeps in.  You feel like an imposter.  Like you’re selling something you haven’t even had time to figured out.  And slowly, you begin to wonder…

Am I faking this entire thing? I’ll be honest - this isn’t theory for me.

The company I was in felt completely directionless.

Strategies changed every week. Priorities shifted by the hour.

And I'm the one expected to keep the team steady in the middle of the swirl.

I was supposed to lead people through uncertainty, but most days, I struggled to find my own footing.

I believe in the people. I care deeply about my team. But I keep asking myself:

How do I motivate a team when the goalposts keep moving, when the direction is so unclear and changes repeatedly?

How do I lead them somewhere I’m not even sure I want to go?

How long can I carry this without crumbling?

This is where I’ve had to redefine what leadership even means, but that’s the beauty of the journey of The Damaged Leader. We always reserve the right to grow and learn.

If at times you feel like a fraud, you are not a fraud. You are human.

Here’s the truth most leadership books don’t say out loud:

Every great leader has felt like a liar at some point.

Not because they’re dishonest, but because they’re evolving.

You are leading while learning. Guiding while grieving.

Inspiring while insecure. That isn’t fraud. That’s courage in its rawest form.

But it’s exhausting to pretend while you work to figure it all out.

When you wear the mask too long, it will suffocate you.

Eventually, the pressure of pretending will outweigh the reward of performing.

Every great leader has felt like a phony, but many cannot admit it.  Maybe you have stood in front of your team and thought, “If they only knew how unsure I really am.”

Maybe you’ve hit mute on a Zoom call just to breathe. Or cried in your car before walking into a meeting.  Not because you are weak. But because you are burned out from performing.

We call it "imposter syndrome," but maybe it’s just awareness.

Awareness that you’re still becoming. Still healing. Still human.

The best leaders I know?

They have all had moments where they questioned their right to lead.

They didn't lack skill, but they still carried the weight of their scars.

And you know what?

Scars don’t disqualify you.

They make you relatable.

Approachable.

Real.

So here’s the shift:

Stop trying to be the leader they expect.

Start becoming the leader you need to be for yourself.

Say this instead:

“I’m navigating this alongside you.”

“I don’t have all the answers, but I care about finding them.”

“Today is hard. But we’ll walk through it together.”

These are not admissions of failure.

They are declarations of authenticity.

The most loyal teams are built in rooms where honesty is louder than performance.

Final Thought:

If you feel like a liar, you’re probably just tired of hiding.

Let that be your cue.

To rest.  To be real.  To trade your polish for presence.

Your leadership doesn’t need to be perfect.

It needs to be true. It needs to be you.