"You Did It!"

Not long ago, I set out to do something hard.  Something no one forced on me.  No manager’s deadline, no team goal, no performance review to chase. Signed up by my own drive and ambition.

It was something I wanted.

Just for me.

I had to study…really study.

I had to give up things I would’ve rather been doing in exchange for late nights hitting the books and computer, no time to "Netflix and chill."

I had to lean in when I wanted to coast and relax.  I had to focus when I already wrestled a ten hour workday.

And most of the time, no one was watching.

But I was proud of it. Proud of myself. Not because it was perfect.

Because it cost me something.  Because I pushed myself outside of my comfort zone.  I kept pushing when even my own mind said it’s too hard and tried to convince me, "you’ll never get it done." When anxiety said you’re wasting your time. But it was all for me,  or so I thought….

The Note That Stopped Me

When it was all over, my nephew handed me a handwritten note.

Simple. Crooked letters. Unpolished.

The realization of my impact wash over met like a wave.

Because in that moment, I realized - he had seen it all in his summer stay with me.

The work.

The grind.

The late nights.

The way I pushed past comfort. The shot of espresso at 11pm.

And even though I didn’t do it for anyone else, it taught him something I never directly intended to teach.

The Leadership We Don’t Mean to Lead

In leadership, we often think in outputs.

What we say.

What we plan.

What we delegate.

What we coach.

But some of the most powerful lessons come from the things we don’t script.

The nights we stay late not for optics, but for excellence.

The apology we offer when no one demanded it.

The moment we show up tired, but committed.

Or the decision to finally prioritize ourselves, not as an act of ego, but of integrity.

Your team sees it.

Even if they don’t say it.

Even if they roll their eyes or act like they’re not paying attention.

They are.

Leadership is less about position and more about permission.

When you chase something for yourself with discipline and vulnerability, it gives others the quiet green light to do the same. As a leader you are the example in your words and actions.

You think you are just trying to survive…but you’re showing someone how to try.  Even if there is a chance of failure (and as we already know at The Damaged Leader, failure fuels growth.)

You may think what you’re doing is personal. Private. Internal.

And it can be. But don’t be surprised if someone starts showing up differently because they watched you show up fully. If they become inspired by how you "have it all figured out," even though you don't know how you are doing it all.

Your hard thing?

Your deeply personal growth?

Your late-night studying and internal stretching?

Your stretch might be the very thing that helps someone believe they can do it too.  As leaders we are in this for our teams, but showing up for yourself supports you showing up as your best for them. When you choose to grow and stretch, you are showing others that it is possible.

To the hard things that help us grow,

Chris

Natalie's Notes

Reading this blog from Chris I am so excited and proud of him (not just because he can now attend brunch again,) but because he set his mind to achieving a goal, started without telling anyone, and now he can stand in the success of his hard work and dedication. Congratulations, Chris on taking on new challenges, saying "yes" to the hard things, and crossing the finish line.

It also brought back a flood of memories from the season when I returned to work from maternity leave  - back into a travel role, now with an infant. I still hear the chorus of well‑meaning voices: “I don’t know how you do it.” Truth? I didn’t know either.

What no one saw was the the crushing pressure of a Monday night to prepare my family and household before my 7am flight. Finish the workday, prep for the trip, pick up baby, dinner, bath time, pumping, labeling milk, stocking the freezer, printing itineraries, pre‑folding tiny clothes, and scribbling notes for my husband. They didn’t hear the 2 a.m. internal worry wondering if I had packed and prepared everything for myself or if I would wake up for my alarm. Did I schedule my uber? Let's hope!  

They definitely didn’t see the tears in my hotel room when I tried to FaceTime my baby but it made him to upset to only see me on a screen.

I worked so hard to wrap a flawless smile around that chaos, but now looking back the smile wasn’t the win. The resilience underneath it was. Today, I get to sit with other returning moms and say, without embarrassment or sarcasm, “It was hard. But here are a few things that helped me.”

If you’re in the middle of your own “hard thing,” know the shaky starts matter more than the polished surface. You will get through it, and on the other side you will now have the experience and resilience you may have never thought possible.

With you in the stretch,

Natalie