Kindness matters

#KindnessMatters

I used to think leadership was about standards. Actually, I was convinced of it. The standard was the standard. If you met it, we were good. If you didn't, I'd coach you for a bit. If you still didn't get there, I moved on. Quickly. If I wasn't always on top, it would keep me up at night. and my team would feel that insatiable desire to be 'the best'.

At the time, I believed I was protecting the team. Protecting the culture. Protecting the business. And to be fair, there is some truth to that.

Leaders have to protect the organization. There are moments when someone simply isn't willing to grow, isn't willing to be accountable, or just isn't the right fit. Eventually, hard decisions have to be made.

I still believe that.

What I don't believe anymore is that those decisions should come before kindness.

Somewhere along the way, I fell down the "rabid hole" of believing that accountability and kindness couldn't exist together. That if I showed too much grace, I'd lower the standard. That if I was too understanding, people would take advantage of it.

I was wrong.

What I've learned is that kindness doesn't replace standards.

It comes before them.

Kindness means taking the time to teach instead of assuming. It means making sure someone truly understands the expectation before holding them accountable for missing it. It means coaching instead of criticizing. It means asking questions before making assumptions. It means remembering that every employee, every teammate, every volunteer, every person sitting across from you is carrying a story you probably know nothing about.

I've watched leaders terminate someone over performance without ever asking what had changed.

I've watched people labeled as "unmotivated" who were actually overwhelmed.

I've watched incredibly talented people fail because no one ever slowed down long enough to teach them what success actually looked like.

And if I'm honest...

I've been that leader.

I've looked at the result instead of the person.

I've focused on the metric instead of the human being attached to it.

I've confused efficiency with leadership.

The older I get, the more I realize leadership isn't measured by how quickly you remove people who struggle. It's measured by how many people become successful because you refused to give up on them too soon.

Does everyone make it?

Nope. Some people will choose not to grow, the stunted tree that fertilizer, hours of watering, and perfect sunlight just can't help.

Some people won't accept coaching, no matter what dish it is served on.

Some people will continue making the same choices. Habit, Fear, Lazy...who knows.

Eventually, leadership requires difficult decisions. But those decisions should come after you've done everything reasonably possible to help someone succeed.

Not before.

Today, my standards haven't gotten lower. If anything, they're higher than they've ever been.

The difference is that now I believe people deserve something before they're measured against those standards- kindness.

They deserve someone willing to teach.

Someone willing to listen.

Someone willing to believe in them before deciding they can't do it.

Because here's what I've discovered.

People rarely remember the standard you held them to. They remember how you treated them while they were trying to reach it.

That's the kind of leader I want to be.

Not a leader known only for high expectations. A leader remembered for helping people become the kind of person who could actually meet them.

Because in the end...

Kindness isn't the opposite of accountability.

It's where great leadership begins on the path of The Damaged Leader.